Conflict Resolution

Not too long ago, me and my supervisor clashed.  I had brought, on more than one occasion, a pay discrepancy to her attention.  As before she had indicated that she would take care of the situation for me.  When it occurred again, I had reached my limit with depending on her to rectify the situation.  I preferred to take matters into my hands by skipping the middle man, which was her, and speaking directly with the counsel about my issue with not receiving holiday pay.  According to her, I wasn't hired as a full time teacher.  Even though I was working full time hours and received other benefits that are only designated to full time employees but because "the system" indicated I was part time, I couldn't get holiday pay.  To me, that didn't make any sense and when I questioned her about it, she just gave me a blank stare as if she didn't know what to say or do.  I walked away because I knew it was a waste of time and there wasn't much else to say to her about it.

Later, she handed me a letter regarding all her concerns about me and how unprofessional she thought I was during the brief conversation.  In return, I wrote her a letter addressing each concern she had and sharing my professional opinion with her as well.  A few days later, we meet and discussed our concerns in both letters.
The misconceptions she had, I was able to explain and give her clarity.  In turn, it gave me an opportunity to learn something about her as well.  She is what is considered an escapist.  She avoid direct conflict but leaves issues unresolved (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  Even though I didn't receive my holiday pay and the conflict wasn't totally resolved, I reached a point where it was best for me to remove myself from the situation.  This is considered separation, a tactic used to resolve conflict (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).  I chose to resign for varies reasons that led up to the conflict, but in retrospect it was the best career move for me.  Now, I have the administrative support I need and don't have to debate over compensation that is rightfully mine.  I am blessed now to enjoy paid time off and not just for holidays!

Reference:  O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012).  Real communication:  An introduction.  New York:  Bedford/St. Martin's.  

Me, as a Communicator

This week I evaluated myself as a communicator.  I took three assessments.  One assessed my perspective of public speaking, the other evaluated my listening skills, and the final one measured how aggressive I am when I communicate with others.  I chose to compare my results to what my teenage daughter and one of my close girlfriend's thought about how I communicate with them.

My daughter thinks I'm a very direct and effective communicator.  She thinks I listens for the purpose of solving problems.  Which is understandable from parent's perspective.  She's not around me when I have to engage in meetings or public speaking, but based on family engagements, she is able to share her insight on how well I interact and speak out with them.  On rare occasions, she has witnessed an aggressive conversation of me arguing my point, especially in heated debates about politics, education, and religious beliefs.  

My friend felt like I am passive.  I listen more than I talk.  I only answer questions I'm asked.  She feels like she has called me over the years to vent and I didn't seem to be annoyed by it.  She doesn't think I get frustrated when people call me for my advice but choose not to take it.  She's only seen me on a few times in a public speaking setting.  I didn't appear to be nervous to her.  She thought I did well with explaining the requirements to new hires.  She commented that I've always been able to just talk to anyone, whereas she prefers to communicate with people she know and is comfortable with.  

Listening to others share how they perceive and accept me was very interesting.  I know I can come across strong, especially if I am adamant about my point of view.  I also know that I take others, feelings, into consideration before I respond or react.  I'm shocked that she felt like I was passive.  I think I am very vocal.  Professionally, I take other factors into consideration when working with young children and their families.  I definitely have to create solutions, once I voice my concerns or problems that I see regarding their child.  One of my duties is to educate the families I encounter.  I enjoy helping other achieve their goals and having effective communication skills are important in order for me to do so.  

Communicating with People from Other Cultures

As I reflect on how I communicate with different groups of people, I come to realize there is a difference.
When I communicate with my colleagues or within the workplace, I'm more formal and use high language.  I use terminology based on early education.  I make or use a lot of references to support my professional insight.  The majority of our interaction or communication is data base or research driven.

When I communicate with parents, I don't use as much educational jargon.  I tend to talk to them more in terms they can understand.  I talk to them from an academic perspective and a child development perspective.  I take the time to make sure they understand the information I present to them.

When I communicate with my family and friends, I use more informal and low language.  Most of our communication and interactions are not as politically correct and are less grammatically correct.  I don't self correct myself as much nor am I as formal with them.  I do engage in a lot more "slang" with them.

This week has taught me how to include diversity perspectives with working with families and their children.  I have gain a better understanding on cultural differences and how to take into account their beliefs in relation to early learning.  Learning to learn from some one's perspective will help me be more sensitive to what other cultures have to contribute within the learning community.  

The three strategies I chose to use to help me communicate with other cultures are:

1. When I don't understand something or something bothers me, before I respond/react, I will try to look at it from their perspective and seek a rational reason for it.  
2. I will try to withhold judgement until I have a deep enough understanding.
3. Increase my modeling strategies to help them develop the characteristic skills they need to be good citizens.  Showing them how to make better choices will go a lot farther than me just using dictation.   

The Assumptions in Communication

I must admit that this assignment was different but intriguing.  Watching a show without sound was somewhat challenging b/c I wanted to know so badly what was being said.  The show I chose to watch was NCIS:  Los Angeles.  It was an older episode from season three.  When the show first started, I could see the silhouette of a man banging on the windows outside the home.  The mother grabbed the kids and they hid behind the couch.  I assume she was telling them to not be afraid since that's what most mothers do when they are trying to comfort and convince their child that everything will be OK.  She then was talking on her cell phone, so I assume she was contacting 911.  Based on their non verbal behavior, they were frighten.  I can tell from their facial expressions and the closeness they positioned their bodies with one another.  The way the guy was banging on the window, I'm sure he was yelling, since I noticed his mouth wide open.  

When I finally unmuted the T.V., the man that was banging outside the living room window, was the ex spouse asking for help.  The daughter informed her mother that she was scared.  The mother acknowledged her daughter's feelings but asked her, in a calm manner, to remain quiet.  She did contact 911, informing them that her ex husband was trying to break in.  She think he had been drinking.  The 911 agent asked if he was dangerous and the ex wife shared how he owns several guns.  She asked them to hurry and send someone.  Moments later the police showed up with their weapons drawn.  The former spouse walked towards them in a surrendering position.  As he fell to his knees, his face was covered in bumps the size of boils.  He appeared to have been exposed to some type of contamination from a nerve agent.  Then the scene switches.  

This activity definitely helps you realize how without all of the information you can make the wrong assumption or draw the wrong conclusion.  Listening is a vital part of communicating.  Just seeing something happen is not enough to understanding the meaning of the message that is being portrayed.  

Competent Communication

Competent communication is the ability to get your message across effectively. As I begin learning ways to become a better communicator with the students I teach, the families and community members I partner with, and other educational professionals I interact with, I am eager to learn more of about direct/indirect, verbal/nonverbal concepts of communication. This week I got a chance to observe my communication from colleagues. One of the teachers sent out a letter, to the parents of the students she work with, to inform them that she will be resigning from teaching and transitioning to administration at a different campus. By providing the parents with a letter, showed concern and respect. She also explained, one on one, with her colleagues about the opportunity. Some coworkers were glad for her and expressed how they would miss her but wished her the best on her new job. Other coworkers wasn't too excited about her leaving but were still happy for her. The teacher also discussed her new opportunity with her students. Of course they don't want their teacher to leave. As she reminded them each day leading up to her last day, she introduced their new teacher to them. While she was training the new teacher to replace her, she also allowing the children to familiarize themselves with her. This was to make the transition smoother. I definitely like how she took time to inform the students, parents, and staff of the decision she made to advance in her career. She took time to answer questions and to explain in depth what this means for her and her family. I witnessed the bittersweetness of her having to leave a job she devoted five years to for a major career move to help her continue her devotion to early learning.  I too want to effectively engage in competent communication through the relationships I will encounter as I continue advocating for young learners.